*I am trying out a new format for Wednesdays. I will address comments or answer questions that I get the preceding week.
Are you ever afraid that those sorts of feelings will cause problems in your marriage?
This is an excellent question and one I get all the time from friends, family and readers of this blog alike. I have addressed my feelings before here and all along on my blog as I've encountered them. But for my newer readers I will address it again.
The short answer is no.
Had you asked me this three years ago when Hubby and I first opened up our marriage, I would have said yes. Back then the idea of having deep feelings for someone else in addition to Hubby was unfathomable.
We both subscribed to the notion that it was not possible to love more than one partner at a time. However we were aware of a possibility that someone else might replace us, so we crafted into our "rules" one that would, supposedly, circumvent that happening. It was the rule Fall in love, break it off. But time and experience has shown us that breaking up with a lover because of feelings of love is really not necessary.
Because love is not a quantifiable emotion, I believe that it is possible to have deep feelings for more than one person at a time. In terms of those feelings causing problems in our marriage, it depends on the definition of "problems".
Last night Hubby and I discussed the post on which you commented. He admitted to having a twinge of jealousy over not the intimacy with Andrew but the experience that I had with him. It has been a while since Hubby and I had a night where we cooked, fucked, cooked again and fucked again. Because Hubby and I live together, raise a child together and are with each other almost all day of every day, these types of "dates" in our own home are not regular occurrences. Life, as it is said, gets in the way.
However, in our discussion, he and I remembered that part of the reason we opened our marriage was so that we could have some of these experiences again. The new courtships, going out of our way to do something nice for our lover, the sweet butterfly flutters that flit about when we think about that person, the over-the-top sexual experiences that leave heads spinning and toes collectively curled. These feelings can last for quite some time, I have found out, when we only see our lovers occasionally. It becomes a wonderful adjunct to our regular life together (which is a good one, I must say), keeps things interesting and fun and allows us to relish the wonderful feelings of genuinely loving someone.
So when I have an experience with Andrew like I did the other night, it prompts a needed discussion with Hubby wherein he can indicate to me that he would like to have some of the same. And we can then carve out some time just for the two of us and make it happen. And after we have determined that, remembered the reasons why we do what we do, and have wholeheartedly reassured each other that we are both irreplaceable, we then feel even closer than before. This, as they say, can only be good.
And good, to me, does not a problem make.
*WPB Guy - I hope I answered your question :)
xo~Sadie
