I spoke with Tyler Saturday afternoon. It's been a while since we talked and he was calling to to see how I've been and to catch up. He knows that I am here visiting his hometown until tomorrow. But as it turns out, we won't be seeing each other this time. He's working and my schedule is jam-packed anyway. So, instead we had a long conversation. And as we were saying our goodbyes, Tyler said, Hey.... Love you!!
It wasn't unitl I hung up the phone, after I had answered him with I love you, too, that I was struck by how comfortable I was saying those words to him.
And then I remembered a conversation that I had with my good friend Doug several months ago. He was aware that my old feelings for Tyler had resurfaced rather quickly and so he warned me, Be careful with those feelings, Sadie.
At the time I thought it was good advice; that I should be careful, and not let my emotions take a forceful lead in any relationship that I have outside my marriage. Especially after how hurt I felt after Charles dumped me so inexplicably.
But, after hearing myself rattle off an I love you to someone that I truly do love, I question what would be the point in holding back my feelings. For anyone.
To anyone.
Why would I desire keeping my emotions in such check that I purposely prohibit myself the GIFT of feeling such strong affection and love for someone? Merely to keep myself from getting hurt? This isn't a good enough reason, I've decided.
Perhaps the question is ~ What about Hubby? Does Sadie have the capacity to love Hubby and someone else? A few someone else's?
And, after some thought, the answer is ~ Of course I do. Just like I have room enough in my spirit to love all of my friends. Just as if I would have space in my heart had I ten children instead of one. Just as I love each of my parents and all of my siblings and all of my nephews and all of the people in my various extended families. I feel love for so many people in my life. And I love them all for different reasons.
And I love them all in different ways.
So, from now on I will not apologize for, or compartmentalize, or stifle the love I have for anyone. Because love, in all of it's forms, is a gift.
And it's meant to be given.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Feeling the feelings. Confession #247
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
I think that you're right.
Where the common problem comes in is when someone expresses a certain type of love to someone with either of those involved thinking that it is exclusive to their relationship. Then, should this love apply to someone else as well, suddenly someone feels cheated.
I've seen this happen in platonic relationships as well. Ex: The notorious "best friend" scenario.
What I think is best is that people be more aware of their capacity to love (as you are now becoming), and tread lightly because people are fickle. "You are my best friend" can be twisted much differently than "You are one of my best friends".
Good for you!
It really is amazing to me how few people understand that love is not limited. I'm glad you have so many people you're happy with :)
Of course, because you have a huge heart and soul Sadie!!! And I love you too ;)
My warning was only to be careful, meaning that those feelings should be checked to ensure that they will not trump the love you have for hubby. I know that you have certain "rules" that you guys try to stick to and I know one of them is in regards to this subject. I know full well that people can love more than one person and can completely understand it (I do agree with what you said in your post). But as Shapriefix said, tread lightly, but not just for the sake of other's, but also for your own emotional well being. With that said, Love away, Just be careful.
Love your Friend,
Doug
I know how you feel. ASM and I have 2 blog friends that we freely and openly tell that we love them.
I think this is an excellent question that is good to examine at various times. I agree it is fully possible to love others, and in different ways as one would love several children. This world can be so full of bitterness and hate, that nobody should apologize for having a big enough heart to love others. I think the one factor to watch is to try to ensure that the foundational love one has for their life partner, does not get put on back burner or consistently neglected. Well said Sadie!
I discovered your blog by accident yesterday. It intrigued me because I am having a serious problems in my relationship regarding this very subject. Here's the story:
I'm 21 years old and I am having serious relationship issues and a sexual-orientation identity crisis; I'm in love with my boyfriend Adam and my best friend Serena. I have never thought of myself as bi-sexual, though I have many friends who are gay, bi, etc and I have no problem with that. It's just weird to "come out of the closet" to myself when I didn't even know I was in the closet to begin with! I tried to make a relationship work between the 3 of us, but it can't because Serena is a lesbian so Adam feels like he had only half a girlfriend. Two days ago I had to end my relationship with Serena in order to keep my relationship with Adam. She cried for almost 2 hours straight. I'm the first relationship she's ever had. She's never opened herself up to anyone and she's never loved anyone besides her mom and sister (her dad has been gone since she was 11). She just recently admitted to herself that she was a lesbian; she's in the Air Force so she can't openly admit it and she was scared to believe it herself. I broke her heart and it kills me. I don't know if I'm looking for advice or for something to tell Adam to make him feel better about me having a girlfriend and a boyfriend or if I'm just looking to tell my story to someone. All I know is I have been extremely sick over the past few days because of all this. I usually weigh about 105 pounds and I'm 5'2. I think I'm down to maybe 95 or 100 pounds now. That is NOT healthy for a 21 year old.
There are different types of love, as you have written. I've lived them all.
And I'm one of those people that Hubman and Veronica tell that they love. And I love them...and they know it!
Sadie,
It took a long time for my wife to accept that I could love more than one person and not have it effect my love for her.
It took me a long time to even understand my own feelings regarding how I could possibly have feelings for more than one person.
I've made some mistakes in my open marriage... but I've also met some fantastic people. People that I would otherwise not have known.
I think your feelings are right and you should never deny who you are. You should reach out to people you care about and love them while you have the chance because you may regret it if you don't.
Your friend (hopefully, still),
Greg C.
This post sparked some comments! I LOVE that! Thanks, y'all for sharing all of your thoughts, especially Doug, who helped spark this post.
And, Greg, of course we're still friends :)
xo~Sadie
Oh, Sadie...you are so right. There is absolutely no reason why you cannot love more than one person. My only advice would be to be open and honest about those feelings...with yourself, with your husband, and with the other people. Welcome to the world of polyamory.
Post a Comment