Today, I drive north to my hometown for Thanksgiving. I will be there an entire week.
I am not exactly sure what is in store for me in the next seven days, but I am sure I will have some stories to tell. I will see my whole family while I am there. And, regarding that, I cannot decide which emotion is stronger ~ excitement.... or anxiety.
I think anxious wins out and only because I am not sure yet how I will field the inevitable question my mother will have for me the moment the two of us are alone,
"So Sadie. What have you been up to since you moved? How are you busying yourself these days?"
Because there is a huge part of me that wants to tell her what I've been up to. That I write in this blog Monday through Friday and confess the details of my sex life with the world. And that my sex life is expanded to include not just Hubby, but any others I may choose. I want to tell her that I am writing a book chronicling the time when I was out slutting around all over the place just after Hubby and I gave each other the green light to. But, I especially want to tell her how much I am loving it. That I am doing two things that gives me great pleasure: fucking and writing about it.
But, I am afraid she would not understand. And that's just it. I'm afraid.
Why is that? I am not a little girl any more. I am forty fucking years old and I am a grown woman and can do whatever I choose and live my life in a way that suits me.
Whaaaaaa!!
Okay. Well, obviously, in some respects, I am still my mother's little girl. Guess it's time for me to grow up, woman up, and have enough confidence in myself and this little part of my chosen path to present it to her with unwavering conviction.
So Sadie will begin the steeling process on the three hour drive up. Wish me luck.
I think I'm gonna need it!
But, I am afraid she would not understand. And that's just it. I'm afraid.
Why is that? I am not a little girl any more. I am forty fucking years old and I am a grown woman and can do whatever I choose and live my life in a way that suits me.
Whaaaaaa!!
Okay. Well, obviously, in some respects, I am still my mother's little girl. Guess it's time for me to grow up, woman up, and have enough confidence in myself and this little part of my chosen path to present it to her with unwavering conviction.
So Sadie will begin the steeling process on the three hour drive up. Wish me luck.
I think I'm gonna need it!
3 comments:
I have a lot of the same anxieties that you have. I'm "out there" and loving it and I want to tell everyone. But, like you, I can't.
Take a deep breath...they love you because you are you. If you decide to tell them how happy you are with your new lifestyle arrangement, then do it, baby. But if you don't, then don't sweat it. Your life is YOUR life. Live it like it will end tomorrow - as you already do.
Be safe on your sojourn and have an amazing visit with your family. Happy Thanksgiving, Sugar! And, by the way, I'm thankful for "running into" you out here. You are the shit!
Mwah!
I'm sure there is an element of my own family's dysfunction or latent conservatism in my own thoughts here but here goes anyway.
Is an open marriage exactly something that needs to be shared with your family? I don't know where the line should be drawn and I don't pretend to think that I should be given the authority to draw it. I just think that it might be a bit to intimate to share over turkey. On the other hand I have known many grown women that have to change their outfit when they get to a club because their mother is baby sitting and they can't let her see them leave the house in a sexy dress. I think that line is in there someplace, but maybe it's different for everybody's family.
My GF made it a point to tell every one in the family that she was a swinger, a few months after we started dating exclusively and there were no problems, so maybe I'm assuming that there will be drama when there wasn't any in our case.
I can identify with not wanting to let your family, or anyone for that matter, control your life and I would stand up with anyone who needed to break free.
Again, these are just thoughts, and by no means do I want this to sound like I'm being judgmental. Considering your plans to write a book your passion for all the great experiences you are having I cone understand your desire to share this part of your life with the people you care about.
Wow.
I'd have to say that in my case, I'd rather not have to deal with it at all, if it were me in your shoes.
Of course, with my family, their religious beliefs, and my abusive background, I've got some really good reasons why I'd keep it secret.
I wish you all the best, and try to have a good time while out there!
Post a Comment